Life's Road Trip Read online

  When shifting directions, it is usually in good taste to assess your surroundings. Only in having an idea about what is near by can you insure that your transitions will be smooth. Smooth transitions on your journey are not absolutely imperative, but they do make the trip a lot more enjoyable.

  And remember: enjoying your trip is over ninety percent of your journey.

  I cannot over-emphasize the value of working headlights after the sun goes down. A car without headlights is only half useful, entirely dysfunctional for twelve hours out of every twenty-four hour period. There is nothing inherently immoral about being able to function at only fifty percent capacity, but an experienced driver will acknowledge that it is limiting and irritating. Limitations and irritations deplete energy. Driving depends on energy.

  Wipers are especially important to enhance your ability to see. Your windshield is useless if it's not kept free of mud, snow, ice, rain, and bugs. Trust me on this - keep your wipers in good working order. They are one of the cheapest car parts to replace, and without them your car will be crippled. Wipe away anything that impedes your vision.

  Don't strain to focus too far ahead in the road, and don't gawk too long at the cars racing in the next lane or the sights that stand stagnantly around you. Don't spend too much time looking back through your mirrors. Sorrow comes from driving in a different time and place than where you are. You reminisce too much about your past, you have too much anticipation about your future, you worry too much about other drivers, you're going to wind up in a ditch.

  Drive here, drive now. Drive this mile.

  5

  Signs Along the Way

  There are three important types of signs: (1) signs as indications of what’s ahead, (2) signs as communications from authority figures, and (3) specific signs that can enhance your ability to function safely and effectively. Most signs are designed to make our trip safer for us and those around us.

  I heard once that the two linchpins of mental health are self awareness and flexibility, that content people know themselves and are adaptable.

  A responsible driver is one who is aware. By noticing road signs you can magnify your overall safety while increasing your enjoyment of the journey. It’s a lot less stressful to notice the casual little yellow and white signs punctuating the side of the road than it is to swerve sharply when you come upon an unexpected ninety degree turn.

  Ignoring signs can have at best frustrating and at worst devastating results.

  I lived for a number of years in central North Carolina. The first year I was there, I was certain that I would eventually be killed driving on I-40 in Winston-Salem at 5:30 on a Friday afternoon. It was like a drag strip, cars rushing frantically either to the mountains a few hours west of the city, or to the beaches a few hours east of the city. So, unless my livelihood absolutely necessitated it, I refused to drive on that corridor on Friday afternoons.

  There was one particular little stretch on that road, just after you passed Winston-Salem's downtown area in the eastbound lanes. You’ve got your shoulders scrunched way up past your ears, a two-fisted death grip locked on the steering wheel, and you’re intermittently doing Lamaze breathing exercises. Basically, you feel like you’re in control. Suddenly, there it is. A seventy-three degree turn to the right, popping up just after you pass the over-sized Coca Cola billboard.

  A handy little flashing yellow light indicates if traffic is too fast. At 5:30 on a Friday afternoon, that light is dancing nonstop. Just the same, if you’re attentive, you ease off the accelerator (no, you do NOT slam on your brakes). The yellow lights are a warning, a recommendation that you shift your behavior. Wise drivers pay attention. Wise drivers live longer. Living longer is a Good Thing, especially if you're enjoying your drive.

  Some folks think that signs are limiting, irritating, inconvenient. Entitled drivers ignore the authority of the signs, rushing ahead into a self-centered, self-absorbed driving pattern that endangers themselves and others. They are reckless and chaotic. One ought never to try to reason with the unreasonable. Best to get out of the way and let the foolish plow ahead to their own fate.

  This is not to say that authority is deity and worthy of unquestioned regard and obedience. Thoreau’s essay on civil disobedience is worth reading. According to Thomas Moore, enchantment may necessitate a certain amount of eccentricity. Thomas Jefferson wrote that a little revolution from time to time is a good thing. Individuality and autonomy are paramount virtues, and worthy of liberal exercise.

  A little defiance isn't terrible until it impacts on the welfare of others as well as yourself. Any exercise of defiance against established, socially legitimized standards must be weighed against the rights of others. Otherwise, it starts smacking of entitlement, which is nothing but a rude arrogance that displays a blatant lack of respect for one’s self as well as the drivers who share the road.

  Signs serve as norms and mores, providing a structure to a socially shared experience. If you want to operate your vehicle without the sanctity of structure, drive in an open, unoccupied pasture. Remove yourself from other people and drive as fast, as wild, as undisciplined as you like.

  You can usually get away with driving just a little over the speed limit, and sometimes you can cheat the meter maid out of a few cents when you park in a no parking zone. You might even occasionally be successful passing in a no passing lane. If you must be defiant, use great discretion. Personally, I don't recommend it. Best to follow the signs as written in most cases.

  Certain signs are worth special note. For instance, one of the most important signs, the bright red STOP sign, is designed for the protection of everyone at the intersection. Running through a stop sign puts you and others in unnecessary (insert “foolish”) risk.

  Along the way you will encounter numerous stop signs. They provide invaluable opportunities to reassess your direction, adjust your rearview mirror, and sometimes just observe the passing of life. These are three vital activities on your road trip, things you may not consider if you’re in a constant cruise mode: (1) reassess your circumstances, (2) adjust your behavior as necessary, and (3) observe people and things around you.

  Another sign that I’ve found particularly useful is the ONE WAY ONLY sign. This keeps you from traveling headlong into oncoming traffic, which tends to accelerate your blood pressure to unhealthy levels.

  The YIELD RIGHT OF WAY sign is another one that protects the rights of others while insuring the driver’s best interests. Sometimes YIELD signs are a little ambivalent; you can't quite tell which lane is supposed to give way to other lanes. In these cases you may want to extend a courtesy call. Courtesy calls build character and, similar to stop signs, allow the driver to pause just a little while engaged in an otherwise overly purposeful agenda. It’s a kind of vehicular Aikido, allowing the energy of the other to move all parties to a safe outcome.

  A sign that younger folks may be more or less unfamiliar with is the QUIET ZONE sign, sometimes located outside of hospitals and occasionally nursing homes.

  When I was in high school I bought my first car, a 1962 Corvair. I paid $40 for it, and Pop went with me to tow it home because it didn’t run. A few months later, disenchanted with its passivity, I sold it for $250 to Patty, a friend of mine who had enough money to get it mechanically fit. Within a couple months after she bought it everything seemed to work on the car except the horn, which honked when it felt like it, or didn't honk if it didn't feel like. Patty was later one of my roommates in college, and she drove the car to college.

  One day in our freshman year Patty loaned the Corvair to me to drive a mutual friend to the local medical complex. After the doctor’s appointment, we walked to the car, got in, and slammed the doors (if one didn’t slam the doors, the doors didn’t shut). Well, it was as if in that one unique slamming, something in that old car that had been holding the horn hostage from its duties slipped, and it howled a hideous cacophony that only an ancient car horn can make in a quiet zone. Loud, irrepressible, a
shattering mass of hullabaloo. No amount of pleading, slapping, stomping, or praying could calm its hysteria. All we could do was drive away quickly, hunched down as low in the seats as possible to avoid expulsion from that quiet little West Tennessee community.

  Today we do not often see quiet zone signs. We live in a frenzied time where noise seems to be a valued social commodity. Our cars are equipped to produce the widest range of sounds ever: Dolby stereos, CD players, cellular phones, and those hideous custom car horns that play a variety of jingles.

  An experienced driver knows that sometimes the most soothing music is that which comes from the hum of a well-tuned engine, unmuffled by the intrusions of an outside world. To hear that hum we have to turn off the contraptions that bring the pounding world to our tired, overworked ears. We have to create our own quiet zones.

  Being alert keeps you safe from unwelcome surprises. Many surprises are pleasant and some are not. Signs are ways that our communities have established to help us avoid unhappy surprises, and keep us and other drivers safe on our way to getting where we want to go. Honor road signs, and you honor yourself and those sharing the road with you.

  6

  When to Turn, When to Turn Around, When to Just Pull Over for Awhile

  One of the most useful devises on a vehicle is the steering wheel. It provides the all-important tool of direction. You will have many decisions to make. Stopping, moving, your very destiny. It’s all tied up in direction, your decisions about where to go and how to get there.

  The steering wheel is your connection between you and the vehicle that moves you where you're headed. Handle it with the utmost sensitivity and consideration.

  For many years the only cars I could afford were very old, very rusty little rattletraps. Most of them were Volkswagen bugs - the kind with clothes pins and wire hangers in the engines. They weren’t pretty but they took me where I wanted to go. No style, and minimal substance. But functional. Usually.

  The one thing I could not tolerate, even in my threadbare days, was a car that didn’t move in the same direction as the steering wheel. Maybe it was a bad drive shaft, maybe a u-joint that was heaving on its last breath. Didn’t matter. If the car did not move the way I pointed, into the shop it went, even if it meant macaroni and cheese for a month. The one thing I cannot tolerate in a car (besides bad brakes) is an unreliable steering system.

  Control over your direction is imperative. You may be going somewhere no one wants you to go. You may be headed for almost certain disappointment and heartbreak. If you’re set on going, go. But be in charge of where you’re going.

  You are your destiny.

  And when lost, don’t be afraid of turning around and backtracking. I hate to go back in a direction I’ve already been. But sometimes, given the choice between this and driving down an embankment because the bridge is out and some sinister prankster stole the ROAD CLOSED AHEAD sign two miles back, well, I’ll turn around and view the scenery from the opposite direction awhile.

  Just don’t spend too much of your trip turning around. It stalls your energy, and depletes the richness of your journey.

  Uncertainty is a wonderful opportunity for turning at intersections and going down new roads. Most roads ultimately lead back to your course or help you chart a new course, and can provide you a wealth of interesting stories to tell your grandchildren. And the telling of stories is the lifeblood of any worthwhile adventure. No diversion is wasted as long as it’s interesting and ultimately takes you where you want to go.

  Going places is what traveling is all about. But moving around too much causes you to lose perspective, and then you wind up misguided, lost, confused. Confusion leads to frustration, which leads to anger, and then before you know it you’re jumbled up in your thinking and your driving becomes chaotic and next thing you know you’re outside a closed gas station on a country road in the middle of Nowhere at two in the morning with less than a quarter of a tank of gas on a cold starless night.

  It’s better to pull over and relax while you still have your wits.

  Never be afraid to go down an unfamiliar road. By doing so we often enrich ourselves and find a path that is more nearly tuned to our spirit. I once traveled for twelve years along a clean, clear, tree-lined boulevard. I quickly became bored, and after a few miles began to suspect I had taken a wrong-turn. Nonetheless, the secure promise of certain salvation and social approval compelled me to keep my foot on the accelerator and my hands firmly on the wheel. I drove mindlessly forward, and the manicured lawns around me began to take on a plastic, artificial visage that blinded me from my own inner will and strength.

  In the final battle between my craving for emotional and spiritual security and my passion for independence, I clenched my eyes shut from the fears and the dangers of the unknown, turned away from the familiar, dull voices who had counseled me, and promptly plummeted off a ravine, down a rocky cow path of potholes and gravel. I bumped, skidded, did a few doughnuts. Dazed for a little while, I finally opened my eyes, put my car into first gear, and eased ahead, first with some trepidation, and later, more confident, I pushed into a rhythm that today continues to move me forward.

  Sometimes we are lost on a familiar road. Sometimes home is down an unknown path.

  7

  Pedestrians, Passengers, and Hitchhikers

  Every now and then you will drive alone. Being the only one in your car isn't the end of the world, though. You'll find, from time to time, that you enjoy your own company, uninterrupted, quiet. Driving alone helps you clear cobwebs from your mind and gives you time to dream, sing off key, scratch where it itches. It's okay to be alone sometimes.

  Even when you're driving alone you're not isolated. No one drives in isolation. There are always others not too far away, another car just around the curve, at the next intersection, or barreling up behind you. Sometimes there are a lot of cars racing all about you, sometimes only a few.

  You may be the only person riding in your car, but you are not alone. You may drive for over fifty miles without passing another vehicle, something rare in most parts of the United States, unless you are driving in Texas between Lubbock and Ft Worth, or in the long stretches that connect many other western cities. But you never drive in isolation.

  For most of us, interacting with other people is integral to being alive. Our periods of solitude are fragmented, and the social quality of modern life is such that even a hermit is impacted by and dependent on others to some extent. No one drives in isolation.

  There are two main categories of people who we encounter on our road trip: pedestrians and passengers. Hitchhikers, sort of a hybrid of the first two groups, have qualities of both pedestrians and passengers. Common until several years ago, laws have now been instituted in most states prohibiting people from begging for rides along the road. On the road of life, however, hitchhikers are common, littering shoulders and passenger seats everywhere. More on hitchhikers later.

  Pedestrians are people who walk beside a road, usually in a residential or congested area. We have little direct contact with them but great responsibility to them. They are the masses, individuals that form the collectives that built our cars and these roads and the houses along the roads.

  It is considered bad form to hit a pedestrian.

  Our great responsibility is to not hit the pedestrians, even when we don’t like how they’re walking, or where they’re walking. Tolerance for varying styles of travelling is a vital virtue when you're driving.

  At one time or another, most drivers are also pedestrians.

  Passengers are people who, for a time, travel with us. There is potentially both a great burden and an enriched blessing in traveling with someone else in your car. You can be entertained by another person’s company, but you are also linked to that person’s circumstances. Select your passengers well. They can delight or diminish your journey.

  And remember that few passengers are permanent. Never be afraid to let a passenger out if the passenger is hinder
ing your ability to drive in a way that safely transports you to your destination.

  Cherish and nurture your friendships. They are the fabric of your journey.

  At one time or another, most drivers are also passengers. Many times a hitchhiker masquerades as a passenger, jumping easily into the seat next to you with a quick smile and an enchanting story. A few miles up the road and it seems you’ve known one another for life.

  The big difference between a passenger and a hitchhiker is that of intimacy and commitment. You usually know your passengers and you make a substantial level of commitment to them, at least for a time. A hitchhiker is someone you know only marginally, and the time you spend together is negligible. Do not be deceived. A hitchhiker is a freeloader.

  Sometimes a passenger climbs into your car and a hitchhiker climbs out. Occasionally, a hitchhiker climbs in, and a passenger climbs out.

  Be selective about who rides with you. The people you drive with and the people you ride with will have a great impact in your journey. Your passengers, your friends, will help you get where you're going. Passengers who do not help you get where you're going should be unloaded at the first possible stop.

  8

  Hills and Curves, Tunnels and Bridges

  There are areas where you can drive many, many miles and never see anything but flat, straight roads. No contours, just even-kilter, dull roads. Be alert. Too much open space can be dangerous.

  There is great value in driving these kinds of roads, though they can drone after awhile and lull you into a deep boredom. They are efficient and relatively safe, but efficiency is sometimes over-rated and safety, while generally of great value, can become a prison if you cling to it too tightly.

  Most roads do have contours. They provide visual appeal to our trip and they create special challenges to us. Be alert. Too many contours can be dangerous.

  Don't be frightened of danger, though. The Chinese character for "danger" and "crisis" also means "opportunity."